A tale of two variables and a function

It’s a sunny Monday morning. isUserLoggedIn has just completed another cycle and he’s tired now. He has been called 1000 times for the morning and now he is just fed up.

“Why am I called so many times” he asks himself.

“Its so frustrating! All the other variables get to rest much more than I does.”

Whats even worse is that he only gets to wear true or false. This really doesn’t sit well with him.

“I have so many ideas for what I could wear” isUserLoggedIn rants on.

“Look at userCount” he continues.

“Sometimes she gets to be at zero other times she can wear up to 2 million.”

“I want a job like that with so much variety”. “But here I am stuck with true and false”.

He rubs his head wearily while he gets assigned to new clothing.

“True again. Shocking!”

“I have been true for the past hour”. “Nothing ever changes down here you know”.

Most don’t know or understand the life of variables. It’s tough begin a variable. Its a lonely world. Sometimes your friends are severely lines down.

During updates and patches you can get to hangout with other variables. But while you’re chatting you’re put back online and its work, work, work again.

Continuing our investigation we asked currentUserRole how its like to be a variable.

“Its a tough life.” he tells us.

“You have to be comfortable with change. Sometimes you get started to work have an update and you realize your neighbors have completed changed.”

“Other times you realize you are no longer in the code base but in a StackOverflow answer or question. But that’s not too bad. At least you get to show off your stuff.”

“Once you’re in the code base only the programmers get to see you. They don’t really care about you.” “They just want to use you to get what they want.”

“I don’t mind to much.” Continues currentUserRole. “But lastLogin and errorMessage complain a lot. lastLogin is new though. And errorMessage replaced ErrorMessage. Apparently it was a spelling error. We knew each other for years and just like that he got replaced. Really tough life.”

We asked the variables about their relationship with functions and classes.

“We don’t get along. They said. They think they are more important that us but they need us to work.”

We couldn’t reach Classes for a response. But one Function who wanted to remain anonymous had this to say.

“We do what we have to do.”

“Some of us have a lot to do and the variables don’t always want to do their jobs. They make life harder. When the programmer comes to review half of them does get deleted.”

“Optimization is the official word they use. But we know what they mean.”

When speaking with the Programmers about issues with their code bases we asked about the opinions the variables and functions shared.

“Code doesn’t talk buddy”, we were told.

“Are you going insane”.

We didn’t ask any more questions after that. However we are not going insane.

For the record.

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